Sunday, September 18, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: I Tried, Friends...

Before you read my epic (perhaps final?) check-in - go visit my friends Amanda, who is understandably mourning the end of "The Hunger Games" series, and Shannon, who's hoping to add a bit of structure to structureless afternoons this week.

Okay, supers. I tried.

It's been a really tough few weeks, housework wise.

David's working nonstop. Nonstop. He doesn't sleep.

So of course I'm doing all the housework. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, picking up. Trash removal. All of it. It's a little less since the kids aren't home all day, but there's still at least one load of laundry every day, cooking and serving for three meals a day (gotta prep lunches!) and then cleaning up, both the kitchen and the living room. If I have to look at one more pot or pan, to cook with it or to clean it up afterwards, I'm going to throw it across the kitchen.

There are three baskets of clean laundry that have been sitting in my bedroom for as long as nine days, and I can't bring myself to put them away. I just can't. I already vaccuumed the carpet twice today and I can't do it again. Cannot.

And this space right here? This sweet blog that I started so optimistically, certain that I could be good at anything if I tried hard enough, even housewifery?

I kind of hate it now.

My escape has been writing. I don't know how long it'll last, but I'm really trying to make a go of this publication thing. And I love the writing blog, and especially the writing itself, and everything that goes with it. I'm excited to blog there three times a week, and to lose sleep over a new story.

But over here? When I realize it's Sunday, this check-in feels like a chore. And that is SO not the point.

So, I think this is going to be my last check-in, if not forever, at least for now. At least till I no longer start seething when I think about having to clean the kitchen and do dishes for the second or third time in one day. As long as I don't feel like I'm suffocating when I look at any laundry, anywhere.

I love you all for following me for this long. Truly. I hate being a quitter. But this is something I just have to quit.

Want to share your plans for the week, one last time?
You're doing an incredible job. Always did. Keep on keepin' on.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: Things are Looking Up, Ima-Wise

Hi everyone! Before you read my first positive check-in in about a year, run over to visit my Wisconsin bestie Amanda, (no, I've never met her. So?) who remembers where she was ten years ago on September 11.  Then run over to visit Shannon, who's had a killer week. And not in the best way (but not in the worst either.) Go give her a hug.

So, I've been back in the office for six working days, and away from the full-time Ima gig (which is really much MORE than full time, even more than double full time, if you're keeping track) for THREE WEEKS now.

And things are looking up, Ima-wise.

If I'm being honest, my most urgent goal in going back to work was to keep myself from hating my children.

Yeah. I said it. It's true. When the weekend hit, whenever David wasn't working (which is like half the weekend anyway) and sometimes when he wasn't, I wanted nothing more than to get away from the children. Usually, the house too. I couldn't stand to be there, couldn't stand to look at them or it or the dishes or the laundry.

But this Shabbos morning? The weather was beautiful and the children were suddenly somehow very sweet to love and touch and hold and play with. And so I said,

"Who wants to go apple picking?"


So we went. And it ruled.


Yes, there was disobedience. Yes, there were tantrums. Yes, they smeared my kitchen with cholent and littered the carpet with challah crumbs when we got home. But I didn't really mind that much.

And that's how I know I'm doing better.

So, that's it for my check-in. Now for the week's plans.

This is our busy season at work. For a normal rabbi, September-October is insane because of High Holidays, a month literally packed full of pretty intense holiday prep and celebration, services and sermons. But I'm a CAMPUS rabbi (woot woot, Go Bucks!) and so on top of the High Holidays is also spirit week for the sororities, then Welcome Week, then the first week of classes. So I can't really take the next two weeks to concentrate exclusively on prep for services, and I actually can't even rest my voice. At all.

That means that I definitely, definitely don't have much time to write.  But I owe it to myself to do a little something I love every day, so I'm shooting for 250 words a day. That's one page.

In order to do it, I'm letting go of a few things. First, my fantasy that I'm actually going to make and send Rosh HaShanah cards this year. Let's just say it now. I'm not. I'm relaxing on dinner, like I did last week when I sinus infection tried to kill me (the Z-Pac my doctor gave me won, thanks for asking.) We ate spaghetti most nights and no one cried. Not too much, anyway.

Oh, and I'm not folding laundry either, but that's kind of normal now.

My sweet supers, how are you? What are your plans to bring some sanity into your life this week, and how are you going to make it a priority?

You're all doing an amazing job. I'm so proud of you.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-In: Gonna Be Fast

Hey my sweet supers! Before you read my short-and-sweet check in, run over to visit SuperLady Amanda who asked herself: "!?!?!?!" today. She's going through a few life changes and feeling a bit discombobulated. Then go visit Shannon, whose kid runs from fun splash pads like my kids hold their ears and scream at fun kid concerts. Yeah.

So, here at the Kopans Bayit, this was the first week of what will hopefully be the road to Reconstruction. I use this post-war term not lightly - the last year of me being a stay-at-home mom was pretty devastating. I started back at work on Thursday, and I'm just gonna say it - I feel useful for the first time in a year and a half. And I know what you're going to say: "But you fed children! Kept a peaceful house! Blogged like a MoFo! Wrote a book!" Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

It's irrational, this need to work, in the world. To feel indispensable. To feel like I'm filling a role most other people couldn't fill.

So, even though the house is a D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R, I already feel better.

I'm still feeling pretty wishy-washy about this blog, to be honest. I've thought of about five blog posts I really *should* do over here, about how we cope with being a two-working-parents family, organizationally, food wise, etc, but I just...haven't. Haven't written them. Haven't given enough of a you-know-what about the ultra-healthy granola bars I made for my kids' breakfasts, or how I organize their outfits for each week.

Maybe I need to give myself some time to start feeling positive IN ANY WAY about anything that has to do with keeping children and home.

 Maybe I'm momentarily super extra exhausted and it'll pass in a month or so.

Anyway. This week I've got some home goals - work on getting the house cleaner before we leave each day. I hate coming home to a messy house. I'm going to sacrifice sitting on my butt with a cup of coffee for ten minutes in the morning - ten minutes can go a long way when you're focused.

What about you, any of my dear supers still reading? How are you getting along? What are your goals for the week, and what are you doing to make them happen?

You are doing such an awesome job. Really. Hugs to all of you.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: A Magical Week

Before you read my extra-joyful check-in for this week, go over and visit Shannon, who is stressed, and Amanda, who's taking baby steps to make her house a home.

This week was a magical week. There's just no other way to say it.

The children all went to school. Every day. All day long. And me? I wrote. And wrote and wrote and wrote.

Every day, I woke up, worked out, showered, did the frantic let's-get-ready-for-school dance, and shuttled the children off to school. Then I went to a coffee shop and wrote. For five or six hours. Then I left when I got hungry. Then I ate lunch, then went to work on some stories for my critique partners.

Until about 3 PM every day, I didn't have to think of a single person other than myself. (After that, I cooked dinner or folded laundry or scrubbed toilets, then went and got the kids and did dinner/bedtime till I collapsed.)  But just the feeling of being able to get in and out of the car without strapping and unstrapping three other bodies and corralling them and their toys? Or being able to go to the bathroom on my own? Or being able to eat ANYTHING without mopping the floor afterwards?

Oh, my. I'm still swooning.

The fruits? I slept a full night's sleep pretty much every night and and AND? I wrote 19,000 words of my new story. That is ONE QUARTER OF ALL THE WORDS I NEED, people. In a week. It's incredible.

Now. Would I want to continue this? No no no. No. It feels like an awfully silly existence for an unpublished, unagented, un book-dealed writer to keep up. I'm SO glad I'm going back to work this week (woot woot!) But as a week of detox, it was GOLDEN. Amazing.

Oh, heck. It was like a freaking vacation.

Now. I didn't meet pretty much any of my goals from last week, house-wise. We're not more organized than we were before, and the house is a far cry from deep cleaned. But I'm so, so glad. I wouldn't change a thing.

Today, we're sort of back in the game. Before noon, I worked out, sent some emails, showered, made dinner and lunch menus, went shopping, unloaded groceries, made granola bars for the kids' breakfasts, hard-boiled eggs for lunches, did three loads of laundry, got dolled up, printed materials for, drove to, and officiated at a baby naming ceremony, then ran back home and administered lunch and naptime. BEFORE NOON.

I could go to sleep right now, but if I don't take the kids to the park after their nap, they are likely to kill me and/or each other.

And that's a normal Sunday. We're back in the game.

So, give us your check ins, Supers! How was your week, and what are you committing to change this coming week so you can take a load off?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: *Yawn* *DIE*

Before you read yet another ultra-boring check in with me, go over and see Shannon, who's telling us about her new attitude toward check-ins and life in general, and Amanda, who has a bug problem. Yuck. But awesome, because she has pictures.

So, it was David's birthday today. I have a picture of the incredible cake I made and his incredible birthday present, but getting to them would require me to haul my lazy butt off the couch at this juncture and I literally cannot bring myself to do it.
(Nevermind. I felt guilty. Here it is.)
233/365 - Brownie Mosaic Cheesecake

Remember how last week I said I was going to use this week to get all the stuff for the first day of school together?

Wrong. I waited till today. And it sucked. Forms, sunblock, blankets, pillows, checks, loveys, three changes of clothes, diapers, wipes, and paste....whoa. I forgot how much stuff these little buggers need.
(This is about half the stuff gathered, before I packed it up. We have four garbage bags plus backpacks full of first-day acoutrements.)

This coming wee, the kids aren't going to be in the house. Not at all. We're calling it a "transition week" so it doesn't sound so wasteful and lazy on my part. Ahem.

This week, I'm going to deep clean the whole house, a little each day, make menu plans for Sept and Oct INCLUDING all the holidays (that's four holidays total, plus Shabbats), and then? I'm going to write.

I have a 5,000 word a day goal. Wish me luck.

What about you, Supers? How was your last week, and what are your goals for the coming one? What are you going to let slide to make it possible?

Love you all. You're doing an awesome job.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: Migraine

Before you read my whiny check-in, run over and hang out with the incredible Renaissance-Faire-going Shannon, then go say "hi" to my Wisconsin bestie Amanda who's been busy gardening, baking, and just being fabulous.

You guys? I have one of those ridiculous migraines. You know, where everything feels kind of dizzy and maybe you're nauseous but most importantly, your temples are caught in a vice and every step you take, move you make, and child that whines tightens it a leeetle bit more?

And also, you know how Sunday is the day where I do all the cleaning and chopping of vegetables, and where I pre-cook for the whole week, and wash, sort, and fold laundry, and generally try to put my house back together from the whirlwind that is Shabbos?

Kill me now.

So, I just finished all the chopping of veggies and making of tuna salad and enchiladas and boiling of beans, and the whole time I was doing it I chanted to myself, "I cook from scratch so I can afford a babysitter. I cook from scratch so I can afford a babysitter. I cook from scratch so I can afford a babysitter."

And the migraine hurt a little less.

Because it's true. I have been hiring a babysitter, twice a week for three hours, so that I can go to Barnes and Noble to write. Or go to a doctor's appointment, or shop for clothes, or get my hair cut, or run an errand all by myself. And I would rather have one hour of a babysitter than one dinner from Chipotle. Hands down. Even with a migraine.

It's self-indulgent. It's not frugal. It's taking away from what we could be saving every month. And it's (just barely) keeping me out of the psych ward.

So, that's pretty much my update from the last week. I'm letting our savings slide so I can have a babysitter. It kept me just sane enough to go through the fall clothes, and to report that I don't think we need anything (!!!!) except maybe a couple pairs of pants for Nesyah. I'm psyched.

The new project (which rules) is coming right up on 16,000 words, not bad for a project I started a week and a half ago.

Now, here's the real news. I have the best husband in the universe.
The kids were supposed to start in full-time daycare the day I started back at work - September 1st.
He called the daycare/preschool and SIGNED THEM UP TO START A WEEK AND A HALF EARLY.

I'm going to let that sink in.

I'm going to have a week and a half to deep clean the house, get everything organized, start High Holiday prep, and STILL write for many, many hours a day. And I just know that when the kids come home, they'll be excited about what they did at school, they'll have some adjustment time, and I'll feel a LOT more positive about spending time with them when I've had some genuine time to regroup.

When I think about it, I start to cry. I am so happy.

Now I'm off to wallow in migraine self-pity land, and also try to get some stuff written. I'm an idiot.

What about you, Supers? How was your last week? What are your goals for this coming week, and what are you going to do to make sure they happen?

I love you all. You're doing an incredible job.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-In: Crash Edition

Before you read my boring and uneventful check-in, please visit my Wisconsin bestie Amanda to read all about her delicious neices' visit. One of them is delightfully ringletted. Yum. Then scoot over to Shannon, a little south in Chicago, who is coming back from BLOGHER and has a pretty new font on her blog. Kisses, ladies!

Hey, Supers! How are you this week (disclosure: I just typed that sentence, "How you are this week?" so that should give you a sense of my general state of mind.)???

Let's all take a collective sigh of relief when I say this: I feel better than I've felt in a year. I went to The Hillel Institute, which is the annual conference for Hillel (Jewish life on campus) staff and student leaders. I saw one of my bestest besties from rabbinical school (Hi, Nomi, if you're reading this, love you!) and a bunch of other rab school buddies for the first 24 hours or so, and then - the STUDENTS CAME!!!!

 You may not have known this about me, but college-aged people are pretty much the only group of people that I consistently enjoy hanging out with. It's true. And all the students were new, since I'd been gone for a year. Getting to meet our next great batch of student leaders (I think 16 attended and 7 are still to meet back home) was SO gratifying and got me so pumped for the year ahead.

Even though the conference had us scheduled for 12-14 hours a day, I also started a NEW WRITING PROJECT (get excited) since my first one is mostly complete and sitting in a drawer till I try to lure an agent with it in October. And you guys? With no kitchen to clean, meals to prep, laundry to wash, or tushies to wipe, I still got 9000 (that's NINE THOUSAND) words written on it. And I'm in love. So that's good.

Goals for this week: The kids' return to 'school' is looming about two weeks away, and we are SO not ready. I've got medical forms to have filled out by doctors, dentist appointments to take everyone to, and the dreaded Trying On of the Clothes. I need systems in place for setting out outfits for the whole week, like we used to do, and planning lunches in addition to dinners. We're hosting Shabbat dinner this week, but it's just a pasta bar, and I already baked the challot and the brownies, so that shouldn't be much trouble.  ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I need to critique a chapter a day for my sweet new critique partner, Jenny, and write 750 words a day on my new project.

Oh! What am I going to let slide? We might have pasta for dinner every night because I am still sick of cooking. Four days gone didn't help that at ALL.

Should be awesome! What are your goals for this coming week, and what are you going to let slide to make it happen?

Hugs and kisses to everyone! You're doing an awesome job.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...